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“When I found out I was pregnant instantly the fingers started going to work out how long I had until the Olympics.”
The date on most Olympians’ minds is 26 July – exactly four months from now, when the Paris Games start.
But for British shooter Amber Rutter there is an earlier occasion circled in her calendar – her due date.
The 26-year-old is expecting her first baby in the middle of April, and has spoken publicly for the first time about her aims of still competing at the Olympics this summer.
“I really didn’t want to hold off any longer and starting a family was something I knew I really, really wanted to do,” she told BBC Sport.
“I feel like I was telling myself ‘Oh I’m a human being before I’m an athlete’, but actually when I looked at the actions that I was taking and what I was doing, and what my schedule was, I definitely wasn’t prioritising myself and my dreams and things I wanted to do outside my sport.”
A BBC study involving more than 100 elite British sportswomen found that a third have delayed starting a family because of their sporting career.
But Rutter said her perspective and priorities suddenly changed in 2021.
The night before flying to the Tokyo Olympics, where as reigning world champion she was one of the favourites to take gold, she tested positive for Covid-19.
“It was the biggest wake-up call. I was ready to quit shooting altogether,” said Rutter.
“I resented the sport and what happened so much, and I thought ‘you know what, I’m just going to focus on myself’. [But now I have] found that work-life balance which I think it’s very easy in sport to neglect.”
Despite feeling “nervous” about telling the team around her, Rutter felt supported in her decisions and says British Shooting, her sponsors and the UK Sports Institute have been “great” through her pregnancy.
“I think everyone ultimately wanted to make sure that I was still going to the Olympics,” she said.
“But the thing is that they know what I’m like in terms of my training and I think they have real confidence that, regardless of what I do, I put 100% into my training and I will be back and ready to go for the Olympics.”
Rutter, from Berkshire, is “excited for the journey”.
“I’d say it’s 90% of being really calm and excited and just like, yeah, whatever, we’re just going to see how it goes,” she said. “And then there’s that 10% going ‘What the hell have I let myself in for?'”
So how have her sporting ambitions changed, given what the next few months have in store?
“Ultimately, I am an athlete – I have that winner’s drive in me,” she said. “So I’m going there for gold and don’t ever get that mistaken. But I’ve got so much to come home to as well, and that is so rewarding. I just feel like my life is really whole. But yeah, when I’m there, it will be the winning mindset that I want to come away with that medal and just do myself and my family proud as well.”
Despite the tight turnaround, Rutter said a solid block of training over the winter should stand her in good stead. She is planning to return to training in June, with a first competition tentatively scheduled for the end of that month.
While Rutter has not yet been officially selected, she secured Team GB’s berth for the Olympic skeet shooting, and given her ranking would be selected, providing she still wants to go.
Regaining strength in her core and having enough sleep to aid reaction speeds will be crucial in helping her be at the calibre to win a medal.
Juggling that with a newborn will not be easy, and could be impacted by the type of birth she has – but her team have planned for every eventuality.
“It literally has gone from Plan A to Plan Z so we are ready for any situation that might occur, but I’m feeling really confident,” said Rutter.
“I think the biggest challenge ahead will probably be just adjusting to being a mum. I think I’ve held one baby in my life, which is kind of terrifying, and I’m quite surprised I’m allowed to go and have one for myself.”
Despite having seen the improved awareness around female athlete health during her career, Rutter was surprised at the level of support on offer around breastfeeding, pelvic floor health, and the option to bring her baby to Paris.
However, she expects there will still be some who do not understand her choices.
“I know people are going to think I’m stupid for what I’m doing and the time frame that I’ve given myself. I know people may not understand the idea that I’m an Olympian and winning a gold medal isn’t everything to me now,” she said.
“But at the end of the day, it’s my life, and I just want to be happy with the choices that I make.”